Inland Empirical: Mastro's Steakhouse

Senor was in town the weekend following my birthday. We usually spend some time together in the fall months and ideally we like to do this in between our birthdays for a double-celebration. Both being enormous Paul Reubens fans, this year the original plan was to go to the return of the live stage performance of The Pee-wee Herman Show. Unfortunately, the show was rescheduled and was done so after Senor booked flights and hotel. (A betrayal by Paul Reubens I still have not forgiven.) I re-booked show tickets for January, but Senor decided to keep travel plans for alternate celebratory activity.

And that's how we ended up at Mastro's. Senor is a big fan of this restaurant, but I had never been. Our good friend April is a server there so we made sure to sit in her section.

What happens when two people who do not eat steak have dinner at a fancy Beverly Hills steakhouse...

You order everything on the appetizer and sides menus.

We really did. There were three different salads on the table, broccoli, gorgonzola mac and cheese, all sorts of things. Things that didn't match. Rich food. Creamy sauces. I totally paid for this in pain. There was so much food on the table that there were things I didn't even get the chance to try.

Drinks.

I haven't consumed any alcohol since the fainting spells back in August(?). Just a personal choice I made. Since it was a special occasion, I had a pre-dinner Dewars at the hotel and out of curiosity, a ginger pineapple mojito at dinner. The mojito was delicious. Senor had many sidecars.

Food is alarmingly big and plentiful.

This shrimp was like 5-10 size. That's insanely huge. There were 3 on my plate and that was considered an appetizer. I had trouble deciding what shrimp dish I wanted, I reluctantly went with "Sauteed" and it was really good. April thoughtfully brought me an add-on shrimp done in the "Vanilla Battered" style which was pretty good but more subtle than I expected. I only ate 2 shrimp and made lunch out of the leftover two the next day.
Two tables over, there was a couple on a date. They ordered what is called a "Seafood Tower." An enormous spectacle that smelled like the ocean and featured many of the ocean's inhabitants. "That's the small one," Senor said, "it costs like $400." They followed that with steaks and wine.

You talk to the celeb sitting at the next table.

Natalie Cole was at the next table. There was a piano combo in the room that was playing a lot of standards. I'd sing a line along with the band and look at her trying to coax her into singing a line back to me. No luck there. She eventually did mention something to us about not liking bourbon. Oh, Natalie Cole. You silly woman.

Watch April work her magic

Here she is taking lobster out of its shells. I was already impressed when she ran down the evening's specials. This chick knows her stuff. If you ever head over, sit in her section and tip her well.

Enjoy the Chihuly.

Is this real Chihuly? This is a ridiculous argument later in the night and I stayed out of it. There's really no reason to assume this is a knockoff. What's the difference anyway if you like the chandelier. It was a good conversation piece anyway. Not really my style, but I thought it looked great in the restaurant.

Was it really necessary to order two cakes? I don't know. This was Senor's doing.

Show your server some love

Rent a U-Haul to take your leftovers home

"Wow! It's like a gift!" They wrap everything like this. I had an enormous bag full of these tiny boxes. And several large ones too. The bag tipped in the car and sauce leaked out of one of them and compromised the bag. The bag eventually busted with the weight. Cakes, fresh whipped cream, shrimp, fries, onion rings, broccoli, mac and cheese, everything went into boxes...